Men: If You Must Get Married, For Christ's Sake Wait Until your 30's
By Thor Hartwig, a Men's Divorce Attorney in Tampa, Fl
Boys, Don't Get Married
A boy shouldn't get married until he is a mature and established man. That sounds logical, but here's the rub: most boys think they are men long before they actually are and act accordingly. And make no mistake about it, getting married is a man's undertaking.
As a men's divorce attorney in Tampa, FL, it would be in my professional interest to have as many boys getting married as possible, as this would inevitably mean more potential business for me. But I'd be the first to tell you that I'd be happy to be put out of a job due to men refusing to marry at a national scale. I digress...
What constitutes a boy becoming a man is subjective to say the least, but I'd argue that most will not be able to achieve true manhood—by any definition—until after their brain has stopped growing. Most psychologists agree that the male brain doesn't fully develop until at least the late-20's. Some put that number well into the 30's.
Given the complexities of relationships and challenges of being married, I'd think it a logical conclusion that an aspiring man at least wait until his brain is fully mature before making a lifelong commitment to a woman. Or, at least until his brain is developed enough to understand the myth of the soulmate!
Bottom line, there is too much at stake when getting married young and emotionally undeveloped. A man can easily outgrow a relationship while undergoing so much physiological change. It makes no logical sense to put your hard work at risk by entering into a legally binding commitment based on incomplete information.
Get Established
Becoming financially stable and established in a career is a must for any man before getting married. Being married while trying to make it is difficult, as you will never be able to focus as much on becoming financially stable and successful when you are legally tied to another person. Most women, especially young ones, will compete with you for your own time and get in the way of your own aspirations.
A man's 20's should be focused on self-improvement and personal development. This, in conjunction with hard work, time and discipline, leaves no reason a man cannot become financially sound by his early 30's. Being financially sound will not only make a man more appealing to women, but it will also help him avoid the monetary hardships that plague most marriages.
Once this has been accomplished, a man will be able to enter the marital marketplace from a position of strength and greater opportunity. It is no secret that a man with resources is a man with greater options and choice.
Increased Sexual Market Value
Let's face it, men in the majority of their 20's usually don't have all of the experience and financial resources to maximize their attractiveness to the fairer sex. And that's precisely what Sexual Market Value (SMV) is—ones ability to attract the opposite sex.
Sure, a guy in his 20's can be fit and attractive, but as is anecdotally present in all corners of society, these two traits are not the complete metrics of what constitutes his true attractiveness to most women. To round it off, you'd also have to include status, resources, maturity and experience. It's the reason you see older gentleman with younger, attractive women on a daily basis.
Agree or disagree, it seems to be a part of the human condition across multiple cultures. As men, we can embrace it and use it to our advantage, or we can deny it and settle down young while our SMV hasn't even begun to start peaking.
Not only are you selling yourself short by doing this, but you will potentially put an acute strain on your marriage when your potential SMV finally peaks and you are presented with courting options like you were never exposed to before.
Unlike most women, whose SMV tends to peak in their early-to-mid 20's and is more tied to physical appearance and reproductive viability, most men's potential SMV doesn't really peak until they are well into their 30's. This is a reflection of the fact that most men will start to enjoy more economic success and, by default, an increase in status. And if he's been somewhat diligent about exercise and healthy habits, most men can still be quite physically attractive as well.
Not until this point can most men realize their true SMV. And when he has a high SMV, he has increased options when it comes to meeting women, dating and finding a high-quality wife.
This may sound like heresy to most modern feminists, but it is biologically and anecdotally demonstrable that most men put the greatest stock in female attractiveness (reproductive health), while most women put equal or greater stock in a man's status and resources (provide for offspring).
Again, we can embrace this and use it to our advantage, or debate it and succumb to it's truth.
I for one believe that if a man adheres to this advice, not only will he be more happy and successful in life, but he will also be a better husband should he choose to take that path. And don't forget, it is difficult at best to have the latter without the former.
As always, if you choose or chose to marry a woman in today's America, I sincerely wish you the best of luck on a happy life together. But if it doesn't work out, you know where to look for counsel.
*This post is meant to give a broad overview of the law and is not to be considered legal advice
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